Children require a lot of time, energy, and resources. No one knows this better than the mother already caring for them. 

When you discover an unplanned pregnancy, you face a difficult decision. Do you try to raise this child, too, or do you choose to make an adoption plan instead?

It is not uncommon for mothers to choose adoption for their next child because they are already raising others. Here are some tips for presenting adoption to the rest of the family.

Is It Bad to Consider Placing This Child for Adoption?

It is never wrong to want what’s best for all of your children. You are putting their needs before your own, and nothing is more selfless. 

Only you understand the challenge of raising your children. Food, diapers, school, childcare, and medical expenses are just a few obstacles you must overcome. If you have a child with special needs, it’s even more demanding. 

Choosing to relieve yourself of the financial and physical stress while giving a child a loving home is never wrong. 

Beginning the Conversation 

Before you begin talking with your children about placing their sibling for adoption, be sure the decision is firm. No matter what others say, you want to be confident once you start the conversation. If you are still contemplating the idea, don’t mention it. 

Start the discussion as early as possible so your children become comfortable with the idea. Discuss why you are choosing to place the baby for adoption and assure them you love all of your children. 

Presenting Age-Appropriate Information

As you start talking with your children, keep in mind the following questions:

• What are your children’s ages?
• Are you currently in a relationship with your children’s father?
• Is the father of this baby involved in your life?

If your children are young, use age-appropriate books or movies to present the idea of adoption. You’ll find many adoption books at your local library. 

Movies like Elf, Annie, or Secondhand Lions can help start the conversation. You can even role-play with their stuffed animals or dolls. 

Use Appropriate Language

Some people say, “I’m giving up the baby.” You are not giving up. You are making a plan, the best plan, for this child and your family. You never want the children you are raising to think you will give up on them.

Even though your pregnancy was unplanned and unexpected, never use the term “unwanted.” Children question who is and who is not wanted. Assure them they are all wanted.

Let your children know they will always be siblings to their little brother or sister, but other parents will raise them. 

Explain the Adoption Process

Talk with them about how you can select who will raise their sibling if you choose an open or semi-open adoption. Once matched with the potential adoptive family, let your children write letters or send cards. 

When the baby is born, have your children meet them and send a special toy or stuffed animal as they go with their “new” family. 

Allow Their Emotions

It will be difficult for your children to understand. Let them ask questions and express their emotions, fears, sadness, or concern. Answer as simply as possible, but don’t get into too much detail. 

Let them see that the decision is difficult for you, too, but because you love all of your children, you want to do what is best.

How BsideU for Life Can Help

We do not place children for adoption at BsideU for Life. However, we can provide adoption information and referrals to reputable adoption coordinators. You do not have to commit to adoption when you contact them. Just ask questions.

We understand how difficult this decision would be for you, and we’re ready to listen and help you work through what is best for your whole family. Schedule a no-cost appointment at any time. We are right beside you all the way.